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ids Say the Darndest things…
HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? -- Kelvin, age 8

WATCH WHILE I PULL A RABBIT OUTTA MY HAT: Firefighters were called to the emergency room at Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in Rahway, N.J. No fire: the hospital staff just needed help getting rid of a flying squirrel that had gotten inside -- for the second time in two weeks. "It would climb up on a light and would jump off and glide" to try to get back outside, said department spokesman Capt. Ted Padavano.  Unfortunately, it was stopped each time by a glass wall. Firefighters managed to throw a blanket over the critter and take it outside. (RC/Newark Star-Ledger) ...And then start work on cornering the moose.

A young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young man stopped her.
"You have so much to live for," said the man. "I'm a sailor, and we are off to Italy tomorrow. I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." 
With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Italy, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a small but comfortable compartment in the hold. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches, a bottle of red wine, and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. 
"What are you doing here?" asked the captain. 
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Italy.”
"I see," the captain says. 
Her conscience got the best of her and she added, "Plus, he's screwing me." 

"He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry."