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Jim stood over his tee shot on the 450 yard 18th hole for what seemed an eternity. He waggled, looked up, looked down, waggled again, but didn't start his back swing.
Finally his exasperated partner asked, 'What the hell is taking so long?'
'My wife is watching me from the clubhouse balcony,' Jim explained. 'I want to make a perfect shot.'
His companion said, 'You don't have a chance in hell of hitting her from here.'

THE WHEELS OF DEMOCRACY GRIND SLOWLY: When the lay radio preacher Harold Camping decreed that the world would end on May 21, 2011, Bart Centre sensed an opportunity. An atheist, Centre announced his company, Eternal Earthbound Pets, would, for $135, provide "certified atheists" to take care of the left-behind pets of the faithful who were raptured. The retired New Hampshire man's wacky response to Camping's wacky Bible interpretation caught worldwide attention, with news coverage as far away as New Zealand. A joke? Well obviously, but Centre is getting the word out to the media it was a joke -- really, really, really. Why? Because Centre has now been subpoenaed by his state's Insurance Department, which demands copies of any applications he received for the service so they can see "whether he is engaged in the unlicensed business of [selling] insurance in New Hampshire." (RC/Washington Post) ...I just got a great idea for a new product: satire insurance.